The Incredible Unhappiness That Is My Career

So, I'm wondering... Is it all for nothing? does He even care? Does He even listen? Somewhere in this mess of blues I'm making a career and heading in a direction.  But what direction?

I want to live a life of performance, but for what? For others? To empress people? To make people think I'm great?  ... Or for myself?... If it comes down to that, I mean, if it really comes down to that, I'm very selfish.  I just don't get it anymore.  It's what I'm good at, but why? Not only that, but why now?  Grrrr... education ruins dreams!!!

I love her very much.  Without her, happiness is non-existent, because that's exactly what she is ... happiness.  Shouldn't that be enough?  I hope she understands that I want her by my side until the end of time.  I hope she understands that my so-called "dreams" are nothing without her.  I hope she understands that I live because of her.

...But I guess the real question is - what do I live for?