I lack patience and I am ungrateful.
I get so caught up in life and the fact that I don't have what I want at the moment that it consumes my every thought. It's to the point now where it's unhealthy. The funny part is that I have SO much already. I'm working towards a career, I have family, I'm still living, I have freedom in my country, and I have clean underwear! But here's the catch. It's not enough. I try to deny that I think that, but it's true. I want more. That's a huge problem. For some odd reason I'm not content. I should be. I know I really should be. I feel terrible because of all this. I have so much that people in other countries don't have. Not only that, I have so much that people in my country don't even have. I need to start appreciating EVERY LITTLE THING because one day, every little thing will be gone. And so will I.
Patience is a virtue ... patience is also a bitch! I feel terrible, but I don't have much. Simple issues are not a problem at all. It's the big issues that I lack patience with. I feel that I have put a lot of time and energy and emotional hurt into my music and performance that I deserve fame now. It's wrong, but it's how I feel. I just want it all now. But even if I had it all now, what would I do with it? Where would it take me? Would it all suddenly and abruptly end one day?
I need to learn to appreciate things. For myself. For my friends. For her. For my grandparents. I need to learn patience because if I keep at it, I'll get it. I just need to learn to wait and enjoy my time waiting.
Goal 1: LEARN PATIENCE
Goal 2: BE GRATEFUL
2 comments:
Hi there jonathan, its me, Jenna. I'm your girl. You tell me that everyday. I enjoy it. I love you. I'm her for you, always. I need you to know that darling. I know you have a lot of talent in that body of yours. Please just keep up confidence and keep up the patience with me, with yourself, with life. You can learn to be grateful, its actually a learned skill- it doesn't just come with the package when you're delivered by the stork. Once you learn to be patient with all of life's lame curve balls I think that gratefulness will just come to you easier. You'll be grateful that you learned patience. you'll be grateful that you got through crap. Gratefulness comes with other skills. just stay on task. keep laughing. keep smiling. keep breathing. keep playing that damn guitar and god damnit just keep going. for me. for your folks, for yourself. Do it for Jon.
I love you.
always.
-jenna
:]
Did i mention that i love you?
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