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Do I live a good life here, with what I already have? - Playing music. Loving my family. Treating my friends and the love of my life with respect and concern. Doesn't that make a human being, better yet, a Christian human being a "good person" ? Does one really need to travel halfway around the world and improve the life of those who don't make the steps to help themselves? Is that what being a "good Christian" really is?
Let's cut to the chase here ... I, as well as any God-fearing human being, does not want to go to hell. So one of the inner struggles of my life, If you didn't know Dear Reader, is - If I live the life I want to live, is that selfish? Should I be doing more? Should I be the "perfect Christian" people want, even expect, in this world? Or do I live my dream of music and family and treat them with love and respect?
I guess I'm thinking of all this because I used to want to be the "perfect Christian." But I figured out in this previous year of my life that the reasons for me wanting to do it, were not for the right motives. I was just scared. I don't want to be eternally away from God. I DO fear evil. I will be the first one to be bold and say - I don't want to go to hell.
Is all this pathetic? Is this the point of religion? To be frightened of death? To be sad your entire life because you know you're not worthy? Then again, is it our job to BE Christ, or is it to BE LIKE Christ? I live that confusing question every .. single ... day. Im just tired of it.
Lord, Jesus, Christ, Father,
Am I doing enough? Better yet ... am I doing the right thing?
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